I don’t know how true it is that our reactions, responses reflect who we are. I love sitting in the corner. I always think corners are places of observing from different angles, places of focus and attention, but also places of hiding. Often when I see a girl seated in the corner, attending a party, but not really in the party, I see myself in her. Sometimes I am bold enough to walk to her, and encourage her to join in, to come in the center and be seen, to come at the front and be heard.
But sometimes I don’t. I just wait for her to find herself, to conclude whether she wants to fit in or not! Whether she is ready to actually be seen for who she really is! Whether she is ready to speak her truth or to not speak. Whatever choice she makes, she is being herself, without pretense!
Such a girl who is strong enough to take this journey to find herself, who has taken time to curl in the corner and reflect on herself, and has shakenly risen up as she falls down again until she finds stable footing, until she finds their voice, until she is ready to make a choice whether to forget, or not forget, until she is able to choose what to give power to, sometimes we look back and just stare at this girl in the corner with – our “new found confidence”, and we wonder what is wrong with her. As if we weren’t just there ourselves!
For years, God has met me in the corner, in my place of hiding. Perhaps my hiding has been for reasons different from yours, but I know that sometimes we hide because we feel/think we don’t fit in, yet. Because we think we will not be embraced fully. Because we think those in the center and front have got it all figured out. But us! You! Me! We still have a lot to figure out. And so we stay in the corner. Hiding! Well, until God makes sense of the corner.
We can hide from anyone but not from God, not from His grace, for it will keep seeking us in and out until it finds us, until we accept it! The word of God in the book of Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” How powerful! There is neither the corner, nor the label, neither my not – being – sure of whom I am, nor anything that, can separate me from the love of God found in Jesus Christ. Nothing can stop God from loving me! The greatest Love is for me; its’ seeking me and pursuing me endlessly. It doesn’t matter whether I am alone, whether I am just taking my spiritual baby steps. Whatever it is, even in my place of hiding, in my place of uncertainty, in my place of not trusting and knowing less, there, right there the grace of God is with me, it’s with you, if you just embrace it, you will fall in love with it!
Are you the girl in the corner, who is figuring it out? Who feels like those in the center and front got it all? And perhaps you are tempted to step in, to move to the center, to move to the front, not because you want to, but because you feel left out, you feel like you are missing out!
Girl, no need to rush! Embrace the timeless truth, that nothing can change how much God loves you-and if you need to be in that corner to learn that, so be it!
The question you have to ask yourself is, why am I seated in this corner? What am I seeking here? Who is feeding me in my corner? If it is Jesus Christ then be sure He will never leave you, He promised me and you, that, “For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13. If it is finding yourself, that is good. You owe it to yourself to be in that corner, so you can prepare for the center and the front – so that when your time comes to step in, you will not be afraid, so that nothing from your past, present and future will enslave you anymore, so that you will kiss your scars in public, so that you will be glad you endured the corner, so that you will embrace yourself, and your new identity – a new you will be born!
I want to encourage you today to embrace the journey of finding yourself. Many identities are painted on us – that we forget who we are, and we keep rushing that we don’t take a moment to step back and connect with our-selves, the real us. Sometimes it’s only, when you step back, close off what is coming from the outside, spend more time with God, and focus on what is inside of you, that you will be able to step out with a healthier spirit, sure of yourself, and ready to impact others with the new-found you! You will then be “A GIRL with Jesus in her corner!”, a girl holding onto the Promise, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).